Disappear
by jentomboy
Summary: Ritsuka is depressed over an event that affecetd him and Soubi, but Soubi isn't anywhere.


I failed at this story...That is all.

* * *

Ritsuka sat on his bed with his cell phone in his hand. He checked his messages once again, but yet again, saw no new mail. He sighed and closed his cell phone. _'Why am I checking?' _He thought. _'I won't get any from __**him**__.'_

He laid down on his bed and stared at the blank ceiling. Blank. Just like his soul. He placed his hand on his chest. He felt the beat of his heart, but couldn't feel his soul. He knew he would never feel his soul, but where was it?

Was it invisible in our bodies and located near our hearts? Was it in our hearts? Or was it our being? Was it our looks, our personalities, and our hopes? Or was it in our minds? Was it the subconscious? Is that why we do things without our knowledge?

He sat up and rubbed his head. When he thought about things too deep he either grew tired or made a headache for himself. He rubbed his temples to calm his headache before it turned into a migraine. It seemed to calm his head, but not his heart.

Ever since **he** left a hole was created in his heart, and grew bigger each day. Of course there was no hole, logically, but emotional there was. Each day the hole grew, the worse his depression became. His therapist had given him pills to take once a day, but they hadn't worked.

Maybe pills couldn't change true depression, and possibly made it worse. Or maybe it was in the mind. Maybe if he thought more positive about it then they would work.

He flipped open his phone to check the time: Sat, Seven-thirty p.m. He sighed once it was time for his pill. He got up from his bed and went to his private bathroom. He kept his pills in there, because his mother didn't dare enter his room due to theory that Ritsuka was a fake. If he kept them in the kitchen then there was a possibly that he would pass his mother, and send her into a rage.

He filled up his glass with water from the faucet and drunk some of it to swallow his pill. After he finished the rest of the drink, he placed the cup down and stared at the mirror. He saw his reflection stare back at him. Their eyes seemed lifeless, distant. There was dark circles under their eyes.

Ritsuka touched the dark circles and sighed. He knew they were from the sleepless nights. It wasn't that he didn't want to sleep, but he couldn't. Memories of a certain day replayed in his head. At times he tried to change the event, but his memory kept playing as it happened.

Ritsuka walked out of the bathroom and went back to his bed. He looked out his window and saw the sun was barely over the hills. Soon it would disappear.

_Disappear._

How would it feel to disappear? Would it hurt? Or would you not feel it? And would anyone miss you? Ritsuka thought of the people who would miss him if he suddenly disappeared: Yukio, Hitomi-sensei, Dr. Katsuko, and of course Yayoi.

But if he just suddenly disappeared without a reason, would they worry forever? Sure at first they would worry, but then thoughts would enter their minds. Thoughts like, _"he ran away. Maybe he wasn't happy?" _or _"Maybe he died in an accident." _But that would be countered with, _"we'd hear about that if that happened."_

Of course Yukio would try to disprove all of this, and say something to prove them wrong, but then doubt would slowly enter her mind, and she would shut up.

Soon his whole being would no longer be. It would be like he never lived. Never took his first breath. Never made "memories" with anyone.

But would that be so bad?

He then thought of all the people who hated him: His mother and the Seven Moons. That didn't seem like a lot but the Seven Moons were actually a large group, and they were creating more humans for their evil purpose. Even people like Natsuo and Youji went back to the group. Even though they promise they wouldn't hurt him or Soubi, he knew one day they would for material gain.

Ritsuka sighed. He sat up once he realized he wouldn't be able to sleep. He looked out the window and saw the sun was gone, and was replaced with the moon. Very few stars were out, but they still shined. He sighed as he stared at the moon. The moon was **his **favorite.

He shook his head. He couldn't keep referring to **him **as him. He had to face facts, no matter how much he tried to forget, he would never forget Soubi. Or the last event he had with Soubi.

He went over to his bed and laid down. Even though the event haunted his dreams, and left him sick, he needed to see Soubi again.

_**Ritsuka opened his eyes and saw himself in a snowy field. At first he was alone, but soon the others joined. Beside him was a Soubi in torn clothes, and in front of him was Ritsuka's brother, Seimei. Seimei smirked and said in a heart-warming voice. "Dear brother, I believe your Fighter Unit is almost done." **_

_**Ritsuka growled. "Don't talk about him like that. He's a human being!"**_

"_**A created human being." Seimei corrected.**_

_**Ritsuka sighed and spoke softly. "Brother, why are you doing this? Can't we just go back home and live together? All three of us?"**_

_**Seimei crossed his arms. He kept his smirk on his face. "Dear brother, we can't do that. What would mother think?"**_

"_**Mom doesn't have to know! Soubi has his own place!"**_

_**Seimei frowned. "But he would come to our home. I won't allow that."**_

_**Ritsuka opened his mouth to object, but he was stopped by his brother's words, "Soubi, kill yourself."**_

_**In the battle Seimei had no Fighter Unit, but he command Soubi to hurt himself. Soubi would obey, despite Ritsuka's objections. But could he kill himself?**_

_**Ritsuka looked at Soubi and grabbed his arm. "Soubi, don't do it!" **_

_**Soubi looked at Ritsuka and smiled sadly. "I have to Ritsuka. Seimei is my god." He closed his eyes. He had once told Ritsuka that he could focus his power into his heart, and stop it. **_

_**Ritsuka grabbed a hold of Soubi's arm. "Soubi, don't do it! Don't leave me alone!" He cried out. **_

_**Soubi opened his eyes and looked down at Ritsuka. He smiled and took the young boy's face into his hand. "I'll always be with you." He leaned down and kissed the younger boy.**_

_**Ritsuka closed his eyes and accepted the kiss, instead of fighting it. He felt a tear run down his face as he realized this would be their last kiss. When he pulled away he whispered. "Soubi, I love you."**_

_**The older man didn't respond. Ritsuka grabbed his shoulder and shook him. "Soubi? Soubi, open your eyes." Soubi fell to ground. Ritsuka's eyes widen. 'No. It can't be.' He leaned down and shook Soubi. "Soubi, open your eyes! Soubi, open your eyes!" Tears fell from his eyes and landed on Soubi's cheek, but the man did not flitch, or try to remove them, instead he laid there.**_

_**Ritsuka shook him harder. "Soubi! Open your eyes!" **_

_**He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw his older brother behind him. He knew he should have been mad at him, but only one thing was on his mind. He grabbed Seimei's shoulders. "Brother, make him open his eyes! He'll listen to you!"**_

_**Seimei rubbed Ritsuka's back as he spoke slowly, so Ritsuka would understand. "He's dead, little brother. He killed himself." **_

_**Ritsuka growled. Even though he knew that, he didn't want to hear it. He grabbed his brother's shirt and yelled, "because of you! He killed himself because of you!" **_

_**Instead of fighting back, Seimei wrapped his arms around Ritsuka. Long ago Ritsuka would find comfort in his brother's arms, but now he only felt fear. Fear that Seimei could kill him if he wanted. No longer was he a caring brother, but a cold murder.**_

_**Or had he always been that way? Had Ritsuka saw the signs but ignored them? Or forgot? Was that why he had memory loss?**_

_**So many questions filled his mind, but he had no answers. Nor did he want them. What he wanted was peace, comfort, and the only person who could give him that was Seimei, even if it was fake. He grabbed his brother's hand and said quietly, "let's go home." **_

Ritsuka gasped as he awoke. He sat up and held his stomach. He gagged, but nothing came out. Once his gagging stopped, he took in a deep breaths then laid back down. He checked the time on his cell phone.

**Sun, 4:00 a.m.**

'_I wonder if brother is up.' _He dragged himself out of bed, slowly so he wouldn't upset his stomach, then tipped toed to his brother's room.

His brother's room was next to his, like it had always been. He quietly opened the door and stuck his head in. "Brother?" He called, but received no answer. He looked at Seimei's bed and saw it was empty.

His grip on the doorknob tighten. He looked toward his brother's dresser and saw a note stuck to the mirror. He closed the door then turned the light switch on. He took the note and read it:

_Dear Ritsuka, _

_I have left. _

_Goodbye._

Ritsuka read the note again, to see if there was anymore words, but only saw the three sentences on there. No 'love Seimei,' or 'I'll be back,' or, 'I love you.' Just goodbye.

He growled. "You faked your death to get away from me." He ripped a part of the note up.

"You left me with mother."

**Rip**

"You took Soubi from me."

**Rip**

"You came back, but left me."

**Rip**

"But worst of all…"

He held the town pieces of paper in his hands. He stared at them as tears rolled down his face. "Worst of all. . .You took my first love away from me."


End file.
